ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize