I wish my penis had an off switch
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
