I faked an abortion last night.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize