Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
