I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
