So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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