I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize