Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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