He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
