Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
