Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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