You don't have asthma, your pregnant
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
How does it feel to date your dad?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I woke up under a house in Key West
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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