apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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