YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
