You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize