I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
