4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Buhtt sex?
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
