"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
