i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
