before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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