I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
