have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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