So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
