Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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