you guys were way drunker than both of me
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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