And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
