I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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