I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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