that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize