I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
