Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
