I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
did you just send me my own nude
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
And then he peed in my hair
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