Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
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