I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
