I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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