Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
