god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize