You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
