my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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