mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I think I won the penis lottery.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
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