Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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