It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
