home. puking in laundry basket.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
