Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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