There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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