be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
