just come out here and I will go home with you...
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
BRING THE BAGELS
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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