I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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