whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
