new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
