I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
