I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
