Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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