I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
