Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
