Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
