Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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