he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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