i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize