hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
