As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
We left the knife in your bed.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
