I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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